Sleepy Time

Last week,

I performed, and it was wonderful. This week I performed, and it was not wonderful. 

Tonight, the crowd at the venue was not in the mood to laugh. At all. I’m not sure what was going on there. I think- even though I hate to say this because I don’t know this is true and I have no clue of the makeup of the audience- that it wasn’t my crowd. But, even so, they had high expectations. I don’t know why. I did my best, same as always- I just couldn’t get there tonight. I got a laugh at the start and a laugh at the end. They were so fucking mean  lovely tonight. It was so dreadful I had to leave afterwards. 

I’m tired, you guys. I’m trying to keep up with the pace of our life, stay on top of office work, and continue performing. It’s all important, and I’m doing my best. Not to mention trying my best to keep this site as updated as possible. 

Until I get back on stage and “do my thing, ” I will feel like shit. I knew better, my little alarm went off, but it was unavoidable; I wasn’t giving up my spot. Nothing can be done. 

People laughed. When I came off stage, the people gave me the “you’re funny” look… I know I should be grateful. If I don’t get at least a few big laughs or one long laugh, I feel like shit. Thank god I didn’t start singing. That would’ve been fabulous.

I know I started this piece blaming the audience, which was projection. I did get laughs, but they came from all over and no groups laughed together.  I couldn’t get everyone laughing in unison, and that hurt. It is exhaustion—this time. 

I’ve had a very good (and stimulating) Winter. I didn’t overdo it today, but it wasn’t enough. Probably should’ve taken a nap. I hate myself right now. I feel useless because performing is one of the only things I can point to as one of my talents. 

I wanted to stay, I really did, I couldn’t do it tonight. Sometimes you gotta go. There were other acts I wanted to see tonight but I couldn’t hold out. I don’t think anyone missed me once I was out. He said, full of self-hatred. It’s fine, I’m tired. Love you guys.

Tonight’s Episode will be Return of Callisto, Season 2 Episode 5 followed by Ten Little Warlords. 

Just Let Me Sleep Tonight. Insomnia has practically gone away.

Published by Chanzy

He's a mess. What else?

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