UP

I keep thinking I’m 30 even though I am aware that I’m not. People in their late 20’s are alright. I usually think they’re only a couple of years off, right? Try SEVEN, you Haggard-Ass Bitch. He’s Fine. He is thrilled with every bit of time He gets. And I face the aging thing hard.

Mrs. Nicks

When I was 17, there were men who bothered me that backed all the way off the moment I hit 18. They couldn’t know this, but I was personally offended. No, people get hotter as they age. That is so gross, and you are so backwards. I’m behaving. Hold the Frisbee. Christopher Meloni.

Balls

🏀🏀🏀🏀 150 DOLLARS? FOR A BASKETBALL??! Bitch!! What is that?! 🏀🏀🏀🏀 For what? Are they going give me the rest of the cow? Is it cow leather or horse leather?! Fucking UNICORN leather. Damn

C

I never look as good all day as I do at the gym. It’s aggravating because for the rest of the day, I look like shredded wheat. So, I get 2 hours of strength and coordination only to blunder through the rest of my day with my klutzy-ass and my rusted-tin-man-body…? It’s like that, huh?

Mrs.

When I was about 12 or 13, our youth group visited a nursing home. They told me it was full of old people…I like old people. It took forever just to get there, which was unsettling. They had them in storage, in the back. When we pulled up outside the Geneva County Home, I couldn’t even