It took three boxes of strips to wax my body. Am I even human? Why is there so much hair on my hands? To what end? I had to do it a day apart so I had one mangy-looking leg for a minute. It hurts so bad. Upside, I was so angry while I wasContinue reading “Max”
Category Archives: Opinion
Yesterday, I started with an exhausting workout…. and I mean I went at it. I assumed￼ that I’d be spending the day mostly lazy so I went crackers. No harm right? Nope. After my workout, and a long drive, I came home where we ended up moving 2 tons￼ of wood from the front. Today,Continue reading “M.B.”
On Robert Pants II
I needed Katara’s number. Wait! Let me Finish! I did not reach out he sent me a stupid Christmas message in a bottle and my dumbass opened it. It was only his number in red and green. Of course. You know who he is. Anyway, I needed some help from Katara. I wanted to talkContinue reading “On Robert Pants II”
You Already Know…
After seeing the Christmas pictures, tomorrow is a workout day. And a manscaping day. And maybe a finding some super-expired mushrooms day, and a baby sheep sacrifice day, and a RuPaul face-snatcher day. The next million days are workouts day. You better hold that camera￼ up, bitch. Listen to Bop Bop; he loves you. No,Continue reading “You Already Know…”
I’m watching the Star Wars Holiday Special…this couldn’t have actually happened, right? I’m tripping balls holiday-style…right? (Thank you, Dayton) -That opening looked like a Pizza Hut commercial. -White Walker Wookiee. This cannot be real. Also, I do not speak Wookie, can a bitch get subtitles?! -Who did Luke Skywalker’s base coat? That is incorrect… -AndContinue reading “SWISH”
I liked meaty Seth MacFarlane. He looked very huggable. “I like￼d her better when she had more meat on them hones.” Whatever, We’ll get there.
Will be Sushi Paired with Sushi We will be drinking Water …bitch you order a soda and I swear to god and I better not hear any shit about it
We were so poor- A tree falling was the most exciting shit in my life…for MONTHS. My Brother and I discovered it after a storm, and we used it as a staging ground for some epic fantasy shit. (For months) It was so much fun. But I’m a “millennial”. The fuck you say… Bitch! YouContinue reading “CDC”
Will be Chicken Salad Paired with, the Pretend Soup of the Day (Roasted Red Pepper) Featuring- Sour Cream and Onion PötAto chipś and Cream SodA AND I BETTER NOT HEAR ANY SHIT ABOUT IT
How about- I hated going anywhere and only routinely left my home for the gym or the food place… But now, that we all have to stay inside like it’s Silent Hill, I’m going stir-crazy. Anybody else?? What is that about?! The first season you’re thinking- “Look at these sad ass clowns”. Nine months laterContinue reading “Extra Intro-rdinary”
(Yes I said meal, deal with it) Will be PIZZA!!! With Cream Soda And I better not hear any shit about it. 🎶They sent the wrong size so I got it free🎶 Whooo!!
My Body…. My Body……. …………..my body………. If one of you bitches doesn’t feel sorry for me right now. Yesterday, I was a good person, and went to the gym. I was home by 6:30. (=Good Person) Today, my entire upper body hurts like a motherfucker. Fat is evil. Fat is literal (actual) death creeping upContinue reading “Ugh”
Last night, it struck me that I haven’t actually been enjoying it the way I should…I’ve got a ton of pictures of the moon but what I really like is looking at the damn thing. So this is the last one for a while, maybe forever. -But!- Happy December! (Or whatever it is) (wherever youContinue reading “Moonshine 12”
Workout Playlist Today
Will be a Big Mac Paired with a 6-piece with sweet-and-sour sauce And a Coke And I better not hear any shit about it I’ve been￼ havin’ some￼ fat days￼. Don’t you judge me!
…..I DO NOT KNOW
The Devil’s Moon 10-30-20
Cut to me busy all day to eat What am I going to eat What am I going to eat Like there isn’t leftover Lo mein￼ right there. You’re going to eat the leftovers￼, and a hand full of fun-sized Snickers, is what you’re gonna do, bitch!
That’s￼ a very old very gypsy curse on your ass for plagiarism. That makes you a hollow thief. I’ve never in my life looked up what someone else said trying to find something I could steal and pretend was mine. That’s an old gypsy curse on your ass… Nobody knows who Mineko Iwasaki is, butContinue reading “Oh no”
Look what I found- 1. That spiderweb was freakin’ gorgeous. Enormous. And 2. That is the meanest looking spider I have ever seen!! Kill them all my sweet, even the wasps, and that woodpecking-perckerhead too Slay Queen!….I’m so sorry for that But seriously, Happy Halloween or whatever!!
Workout Playlist Today
-Updated- Don’t you judge me!
Alright, let’s just get into it. Last night, I had a wild dream. First off, it was local, which was odd. Usually, those are dull and/or very life-adjacent. Asheville made a brief cameo, but it was prettier than it actually is. When I say I had a wild dream, I mean- I shadowed various womenContinue reading “W.D.”
B.D. III (Updated)
I’m afraid to say this, because it keeps on coming, but Saturday was the worst night’s sleep of my life. I had so many nightmares. Worse, I kept having “waking” dreams in between that fooled me into thinking I was safe. ——————————The Details————————- 1st Round-￼ I was in the car with two people I lovedContinue reading “B.D. III (Updated)”
I cannot talk about last night’s nightmare, it was too personal. Needless to say it was fucked up. My worst fears came at me in a way I was not prepared for. This one doesn’t get any cute pictures. That shit was rough. Don’t ever get fat-It doesn’t matter if you loose weight, and thenContinue reading “B.D. II”
The night before last I had a bad dream. It was rough and ended up keeping me up for the rest of the night. Wellllll…last night I had a dream where Alexander Skarsgård made an appearance. It happens about once a year. I’m not saying it made up for the night before… Actually…that’s exactly whatContinue reading “G.D.”
I had a rough dream with various “bad people” from my past in multiple filming locations. I’m awake now. I don’t have nightmares much anymore. When I was younger I had nightmares every night. Surely, my stress￼ levels have something to do with it but without Xanax I’m up the river. I don’t care forContinue reading “B.D.”
Will be two cooked hotdogs With no bun WITH NO BUN! Paired with Waffle Fries Tater Tots And Potato Chips And Fuki to wash it down. And I better not hear any shit about it.
Will be sushi Paired with Sushi Paired with Sushi And I better not hear any shit about it. And we might stop for ice cream!
Paying good money to have acid thrown in someone’s face, then finding out it gave them a better face- Not only did you give them a better face, you are also out $2,000! …….or whatever. Rough joke…but I love him. I very accidentally (almost) hooked up with a cousin (on both sides) because we areContinue reading “It’s like”
Will be Sushi. Paired with good company and WATER and I better not hear any shit about it.
If I had a nickel for every time a full-grown person said they’d had sex with me when they did not, I’d have ten cents. ShitNickel #1– was a nasty-old-man-roommate. I rent a room to because he had a VEHICLE and I did not. He flat out lied on me, and his daughter is smilingContinue reading “2 Nickels”
I can’t watch Strangers With Candy at bedtime. At least once per episode I burst out laughing which is rough when you’re trying to get to sleep. Annnd I’m two hours in. I laid down at 10! 3 hours in… You go to sleep, bitch!
Will be a protein shake Paired with a fistful of CAP’N CRUNCH And I better not hear any shit about it￼
The Way Back
When I was between 1st and 2nd grade, I was deathly afraid of the dark. What I mean is- I was so freaked out by darkness that at night I would wander off. I would leave our house and start walking, looking for somewhere to hide. Usually, I would end up in the cornfield behindContinue reading “The Way Back”
Today, I *finally* made my own trail mix. First time and I freaking killed it. -Mixed Nuts -Dried Cherries -Dark Chocolate Expresso Beans -Jerky Oh my God, you guys. It is so freaking good. ***I wanted dried mango but the￼ kind I got from Kroger should not be legal to sale. That shit was nasty.***
Last night, I was having trouble getting to sleep(Quiet, DEMONS!)and couldn’t relax until I wrote about it. It was insane how I felt before I wrote vs. how I felt after. It’s my go-to and always has been. Crazy stuff happens and my first instinct is to write it down. I’m not calling friends orContinue reading “Work It”
I could watch the Heart Snatch scene from “Welcome to Storybrooke” on a loop. And the best part ON A LOOP!!! ******* Can we talk?? If you ever need to feel better about your family tree- Henry’s Grandmother is also his StepSister which makes Emma his Mother as well as his StepNiece… “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”
Will be a handful of Raw Kale eaten while standing over the sink, Paired with coffee, antihistamines and supplements… And I better not hear any shit about it.
I’m watching it now, halfway through, fuck those one star reviews already.￼ We aren’t even done-and fuck those one star review￼s. It’s worth the price of admission. ***** Drag that bitch like Janelle Monáe￼. “Thank you so much, Rebecca!” like Gabourey Sidibe.￼ ***** I feel like the only “folks” who want their money back forContinue reading “Antebellum”
I love the show I love the show But I call bullshit on the Schitt’s Creek finale and I’ll tell you why- DAVID stopped talking to Patrick-for WEEKS-because he never disclosed a *failed* engagement….(That was never really his business in the first place….) But He gets to let someone use the manual overdrive on theirContinue reading “Schitty Wok”
🎶Rowling Rowling🎶 🎶Rowling down the river🎶 Who knew￼ the “K” was for Karen? Identity is hard, you’d think someone who uses a pen name would be more understanding. I don’t think she has to change her opinion. I think her opinion is￼ wrong. I’m not trying to convince anyone. The idea that trans women areContinue reading “JK”
Once there was a man named “Roy”. He had all the qualities I looked for, then. He was sweet, pretty eyes, pretty smile. We broke up because I couldn’t keep driving my Ram an hour to his apartment and an hour back to mine. It was around $45…in 2006. It always felt correct, until weContinue reading “Discussion”
Because the “T” is- Eric Cartman is in love with Kyle. Google it. That’s why he never quits. Don’t tell him I said that shit though.
🎶No no no🎶
If men can stand outside bare chested and it not be scandalous then women should have every right and protection to stand outside bare chested. We all have nipples-WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? You asked the wrong one about breast feeding, sister. If I could walk around in briefs and sneakers I would….It would cut outContinue reading “🎶No no no🎶”
Will be “Suddenly Salad” (which is neither) Paired with a nothing And I better not hear any shit about it.
Workout Playlist Today
(In alphabetical order because my headphones 🎧 save everything that way, deal with it.🇦🇶) I hate exercise￼ as much as I love not being grotesquely obese. good music helps.
On Robert Pants I
He was also *MARRIED* before he got *FAMOUS*. Robert(aka-Spongebob)Pants* is my ex-husband. I don’t know what the “Square” is about…Hollywood…🙄 He’s a good person…except he’s a freaking enchanted cleaning object. He was the sweetest thing I’d ever met. He saved me from a rip current near Bikini Atoll and I built that stupid fucking tree-dome…likeContinue reading “On Robert Pants I”
One thing I never had, or thought I needed, was “good” towels. Many of you had the good fortune to grow up in a house with good towels or you’ve experienced them in hotels. I thought a towel was a towel. This past week, as a last birthday present to myself, I wanted something niceContinue reading “Sahara”
The Best Sandwich
Is a modified chicken club. A big hunk of you favorite bread -Grilled Chicken -Bacon -Pepperoni(Let Me Finish!) -(Light)Pizza style Marina -Cheese Blend -Toast that shit up sexy -Lettuce -Onions(sometimes) -Black Olives -Banana Peppers -Salt Pepper -One line of ranch on the way out 🙏
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